The Pursuit of Balance

When I think about what I want out of life, the word that often comes to mind for me is "balance." But I wonder if that's just another way for me to try to have it all, in a way that gives me tiny doses of everything I want.

Balance is hard. And I've recently realized that it isn't possible achieve a state of balance, which I think was my secret goal. As I've learned from practising yoga, if a person appears to be balanced and at ease, in reality there's intense effort there—all kinds of muscles, big and small, working together to hold onto the pose, not to mention a mind that's alert, calm, and focused. This is definitely not easy. And it's not a state of being; it's a focused effort.

There are two areas that I find particularly hard to balance.

 

1. You can't Strive for Excellence and Be Content with What You Have at the same time.

Both are virtues. I know and love people who are masters at looking on the bright side, being happy with their lot in life, and generally accepting themselves and others as they are. However, these aren't always the same people who are consistently innovating and breaking records.

I also admire people who hold themselves and others to a high standard, and manage to inspire excellence in those around them. There can be a dark side to this tendency. It can be easy to overlook achievements and focus only on what didn't go right. But if that is what makes you try harder and better next time, then is it really a bad thing?

If you're overly content with everything, what motivates you to excel, progress, and innovate?

If you're overly focused on always getting better, stronger, or faster, how do you find satisfaction in who you are right now?

 

2. You can't Plan for Productivity and Live in the Moment at the same time.

I want to do both. I love days when I feel productive, like I lived up to my potential, like I managed to complete a long list of tasks of all sorts in record time. But those aren't the days that I just let the inspiration of the moment lead me. Those aren't the days that I take leisurely walks with my daughter around the neighborhood, letting ideas percolate and solidify in my mind.

If you're always living in the moment, this can cripple productivity.

If your life is overly planned to achieve maximum productivity, it's difficult to find time to stop and smell the roses. (And somehow, I think writing "stop and smell the roses" in your planner at 3 p.m. on Tuesday is missing the point.)

 

Finding Balance
I've been thinking about this a little bit and imagining these opposing values as either end of a teeter-totter. I've realized that dead center (in other words, perfectly static and balanced) is NOT where I want to be. I have to walk to one side and then the other. It's important to be up, and then down—to experience both ends of the spectrum and gain insight and understanding from each, being careful not to stay at either end for too long.

I recently saw a series of productivity videos advertised that said we should be in pursuit of priorities rather than balance. It's an interesting idea and very foreign to how I naturally think. I typically fool myself into thinking that I'm juggling all the things I love at once. But in reality, when two things you value are in opposition to one another, you can't do both at the same time.

And besides, standing in the middle of the teeter totter is not likely to give you a very fun ride.

You have to choose one side, and then the other, and then the first again, or you'll go nowhere. This is, essentially, prioritization, which I do every minute of every day. What I don't do is admit that I'm focusing on one thing in lieu of another. If I did, I might make some different choices. And maybe that's the key.

How about you? Can you relate? What opposing areas of your life do you have trouble balancing?

Comments

[Aliza]

I totally relate-and actually keep a very similar image in my mind, ALOT. I usually picture an actual balance scale instead of a teeter totter. I think of it in terms of work, teaching, creativity, parenting, etc. And I always think about how when you're measuring a physical item, well, you can easily balance the scale (a lb. on one side, and a lb. on the other). But in real life, when you are balancing things like "productivity and living in the moment" there is no exact middle even if you wanted one. Because that would be an ideal, theoretical state, but does not exist in actuality. Because there is no point where you can say, "This very second is when I should stop living in the moment and become productive." Each moment is a choice, and like you say, when you choose one you give up some from the other side.
Which is all a long-winded way of saying, "I agree with you."

[Barb]

Angie, you have expressed in words all the garbage that has been swirling in my brain for the past few days. I am with you on wanting to do it all and struggling when my goals are in opposition to one another. On the second point, I have to confess that I am not much of a planner; I'm more of a "by the seat of my pants" kind of gal. I am crazy-productive when I set my mind to it, but that's not always the optimal way of living life, and it drives the people around me CRAZY.

Anyway, I wish you luck as you try to achieve an off-balance but happy life. I have emailed the link to this post to myself so I can come back and revisit as I stand at a fork in the road of life.

xo Barb

[Angie]

An off balance but happy life...I love that, Barb!

Sent from my iPhone

[Angie]

I probably spend too much time dreaming about ideal, theoretical states. :) Thanks for your insightful comment!

Sent from my iPhone

[Natalie]

this is something i'm constantly thinking about/struggling with. i've decided that we're never actually at that "average" spot...just one extreme or the other. tricky, tricky!

[StefaniM]

Well i appreciate your insight as usual. The thing I realized as I read your thoughts on opposing virtues is, I am generally one and my husband is generally the other. No wonder we go good together (either that, or drive each other completely CRAZY!!)

[Kathy]

I am reading _Time Management from the Inside Out_ by Julie Morgenstern right now and she talks about how you cannot tell everyone to simplify or to fill their time more productively because where we are is so personal and changes over time. I am interpreting some of her insights as finding what works for me and the things that stop me from doing it.

[angela p]

Some excellent insights...I too have been seeking balance...and never truly achieving what I thought I was seeking...thank you for the alternate perspective!

[Busygirl]

Interesting thoughts.

At first they do sound like Paradoxes. But as I thought more, I think they usually cover different areas (for happy people at least).

For example, I strive for excellence for my hobbies like photography and scrapbooking; and I am content to have a family, to not have to worry about money, food and clean water, and to live in a war-free country. But because I value my hobbies and family the most, I don't strive for excellence at work anymore. I got to where I wanted, and I was content. I refused further responsibilities and don't work over 40 hours a week. I'm content with the paycheck.

I imagine someone who cares nothing but money and strives for excellence in that rears, will be miserable because he is not content with what he has. It doesn't have to be money, any life goals that are one dimensional make people miserable, I think.

Plan for productivity is the same too. I plan things in advance and manage my time well, so I have time to do things I enjoy. Besides, even in the process of doing things off the checklist, you can still live in the moment. Like I really enjoy going grocery shopping with my toddler boy, checking out fresh produces or interesting products we've never seen before.... Every little mundane moment is precious to me, or I try to remind myself that.

[Katie Scott]

So true! Love this post!